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Writer's pictureKelli H. Smith, LPC-S

Learn how to Not Hold a Grudge

Everybody gets hurt or disappointed at one point or another. A few individuals are able to shake things off and march on. Other people hold on to bitterness for years. If you're holding a grudge, abide by these steps to forgive and let go of it.


No Grudges

Choose to move on. You expend a lot of energy holding a grudge; simply let it go. Make the decision to clear up the mental space absorbed by this bitterness. When you decide to move on, the grudge will dissipate bit by bit .


Observe your feelings. Bitterness builds when emotions go unacknowledged. Take the time to get crystal clear about what you're feeling and how come. Take action accordingly. If you have something that has to be stated, say it. If you have already sounded off with your grievance, then settle any additional feelings yourself.


Live with what is. Quit waiting for signs of remorse. Chances are the other individual has already put the subject behind them. You might never receive an apology, but that doesn't mean you ought to continue to indulge bitterness. Be the bigger individual and put the incident behind you.


Forgiving somebody doesn't mean excusing them from their behaviors. It doesn't change the facts. If you have been licitly wronged, then forgiving doesn't mean you have to forget. It does imply that you know that the individual is human and that we all make errors.


Switch your focus. Consider the great things about the individual. Discover the positive in the set of circumstances. Perhaps you learned a lesson and found out something new about yourself. Shifting your point of view will help you release bitterness.


Don't feed the giant. Once you've vocalized your resentment and committed to marching on, don't continually discuss the offense. If you find yourself considering it, mentally change the subject. If somebody brings it up, explain that it's in the past and you don't wish to harp on it.




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